Feeling sad .

I think I'm afraid of being happy because everytime I'm happy, something bad always happens.


When I do something great, no one ever seems to remember, but when I do something wrong, no one can ever seem to forget.


Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand.


No matter what, no matter who, no matter what I do, somebody hates me.

I didn't want to admit it.  It was easier to lie.  Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry.

I've learned it takes years to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it.

Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense?  Well that's how I feel right now...I feel like I'm facing everything myself, with nothing but tears and a fake smile...

Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again.  So when life gets tough you can just play pretend.  I wanna go back to when Santa did exist.  When your daddy was theonly boy you ever kissed.  When Disney World was the best place to be.  When the only movies you could see were rated G.  When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change...and your friends were the same.  And every time you were sad or you had a bad day.  You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay.  I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter.  When everyone alwayslives happily ever after.

I don't know what I want in life.  I don't know what I want right now.  All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any more of me left.  Everything that ever cause a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it.  But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me.  And I don't know what to do.  I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more.

Teardrops slowly fall from my eyes as I look to the sky, and I question how come life keeps passing me right on by.  I just wonder why I can't escape, is this my fate?  To always be unhappy and how much longer must I wait...

I wanna get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, I wanna get lost and I don't know why.

I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, so how can I be sure about anything?  Most of the time I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my own skin, I get frustrated at everything, I could just scream and there's no reason for it, I just hate myself.